Dreams Fulfilled.

A little over a year ago, I made my last post letting people know that I'd made the decision to join the National Guard after almost 11 years of waiting and working and hoping and dreaming that I would be able to live a better life, restart my education and move on.

So that's what I did. I joined the National Guard oMay 14 2019, I shipped off to Basic Training on August 28. I trained until the 24 of January 2020. And today, March 19, 2019, I finally got this in the mail. All I can do is thank God for bringing me this far in my journey. It took a lot to get here. But I've made it this far. And I'll make it the rest of the way.

NEVER give up on your dreams, because if you ask of God, at the right time, He may give them to you.

Last year, I looked at the evidence and saw that there really wasn't any way for me to ever be able to afford to move back to Michigan. It was just too risky, too complicated and complex and expensive a set of plans. it just wouldn't work.

Going back to Michigan has always been one of the deepest desires of my heart. I've left Michigan twice in my life, and each time I've tried to get back. The first time, a series of unexpected events caused it to happen, I prayed and it came true in a way that didn't even seem to make logical sense. The second time, however, had been a much longer exile. One year turned into two, into 3, into 4, into 5. Each year making it seem like a foolish pipe dream.

It didn't stop me from dreaming, however. I planned and schemed and thought. I'd despair of ever achieving it and then be reinspired to dream of it. The possibility of a lover often helped.

This past year, after visiting and then having my heart crushed, I came to the conclusion that I would never be able to achieve my dream. I had to simply commit myself to stay here in Cleveland and learn to love it. I threw away any reminders of my dream, including a history of the diocese of West Michigan, and I set out to put down my bucket where I was.

Recently, I made the decision to join the National Guard. That was around December 20th. Last week, I talked to an old friend who is former military about my decision to join as well as catching up. As we talked, it slowly dawned on me that I can join ANY of the 54 National Guard Units anywhere in the US. Which means I can join the Michigan National Guard. Suddenly something that had seemed to be a pipe dream was suddenly possible. Something that had seemed to be another 5-year project away from even becoming feasible was now right at my feet.

I am so completely floored by this possibility. It seemed so impossible and now it seems possible. I am so grateful and thankful to God for making this happen, and I hope to prove worthy of this gift. I commit myself to do whatever I have to do to prepare myself fully to join the National Guard. I hope that my life will be a blessing and that I can contribute to the life of my community.

The Soldiers Creed

I am an American Soldier. I am a warrior and a member of a team, I serve the people of the United States and live the Army values, I will always place the mission first, I will never accept defeat I will never quit, I will never leave a fallen comrade, I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills, I always maintain my arms my equipment and myself, I am an expert and I am a professional, I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States in close combat, I am a guardian of Freedom and the American way of life, I am an American soldier.

The Army is supposed to be growing, but this year, it didn’t at all

The Army is supposed to be growing, but this year, it didn’t at all: The Army's end strength showed no net gain in 2018, after the service missed its recruiting goal by 6,500.

“I am a, flawed human being with falling hopes and dreams that scatter across the sky to bring supernovas and stars to your eyes. It is only a matter of time before they’ll be caught by gentle hands and a kind smile where they will bloom to bring a soft flourish of me. We will walk these lands together, travel far and wide build something meaningful together, that cannot be washed away by relentless tides. Our hearts, they will sing Our minds, they will soar Our souls will be tied no longer seeking more and more. And when the moment arrives when the call has come, to say goodbye I will not be frightened of what comes next I will not be eager to forget for I have already been gifted, you see honoured, by a lifetime at your side.”

— Dream Catcher

Byrdie C. Lee, we were privileged to know you.

When I was thinking of becoming an Episcopalian, I made sure to do my research. I read every book I could get at my local library, I read every church website, I scoured the sermons and Sunday morning discussions that I could find on the internet. One of the things I researched most closely was how Black Episcopalians were viewed and treated in their denomination and if I could have a place in it too.

While I was doing my research, I came upon a talk at the Diocesan Cathedral by a remarkable woman who seemed to love history and telling the story of black Episcopalians. Her name was Byrdie Lee, and hearing her speak so passionately and interestingly about Black Episcopal history was intriguing to me. So when I walked into my first Episcopal Church coffee hour a month or so later and saw her standing there speaking, I recognized her voice immediately. I shook her hand and told her that it was an honor to meet her and that I knew who she was. She looked a bit puzzled by how I introduced myself but she was gracious and welcoming and as soon as she sensed interest on my part she immediately tried to recruit me and get me involved with the Black Episcopal community in Ohio.

Over the past few years I was blessed immensely by her strength, her wit, her sharp mind, and most significantly, her faith and love. She loved us so much, black people, The Episcopal Church, and each one of us individually. She wanted us to thrive to grow, to stand up, to believe. We were so lucky to be in her presence.

I was so lucky to be in her presence. She took me to my first UBE meeting. She gave me advice on how to speak better. She showed me how to be a better Liturgical Minister. Gave me books to read, and told me her stories. She was one of my sponsors when I walked down the nave of Christ Episcopal Church in Shaker Heights to become a member of the Episcopal Branch of God's One, Holy, Apostolic Church.

We were so privileged to be in her presence. And as ones who she loved and believed in, let us all dedicate ourselves to live up to the great faith Byrdie C. Lee placed in us.

I think this experiment with Will isn't going to working out. Their are moments when it shows promise, but last night the feeling that I'm being strung along by a person who doesn't really care about me became overwhelming. It hurts a lot. I really don't want to give up. But it feels like I'm harassing the poor guy, and I know I can't make him like me. I don't know....