Zero 7 - Destiny [Full-Length] [HQ]

Dedicated to William Schlichter.


I lie awake, I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you but I still believe
There's only enough for one in this lonely hotel suite

The journey's long and it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you, I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak, I draw strength from you
And when you're lost, I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down, you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart, we are each others destiny

On a clear day, I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time and I'm getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you, I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak, I draw strength from you
And when you're lost, I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down, you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart, we are each others destiny

When I'm weak, I draw strength from you
And when you're lost, I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down, you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart, we are each others destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

Zero 7 - Spinning

Was it loneliness that brought you here
Broken and weak
Was it tiredness that made you sleep
Have you lost your will to speak
Was the earth spinning round
Were you falling through the ground
As the world came tumbling down
You prayed to God what have we done

Free me from these chains I need to change my way
Heal these broken wings I need to fly far away, far away, far away

Was it emptiness that made you weep
No more secrets to keep
Was it bitterness that gave you time
To forgive your sins
Was the earth spinning round
Were you falling through the ground
As the world came tumbling down
You prayed to God what have we done

Free me from these chains I need to change my way
Heal these broken wings I need to fly far away
Free me from these thoughts long forgotten down below
Take these angel's words give them life to carry on, carry on, carry on
Free me from these chains

Zero 7 The Space Between

Now that you're older
Taking the time to look
Back over your shoulder
On the days confusion took

Now that you're wiser
Surely you've learned to read it
You should know no surface shines brighter
Than the light that burns beneath it

Never so sure
We always take more
Though we still
Don't know what it's for

Now that I've seen you
Stripped to the very core
I know that I need you
Less than I did before

Never so sure
We always take more
Though we still
Don't know what it's for

 

THE STONE NOVEMBER 10, 2013, 3:00 PM 

Learning How to Die in the Anthropocene

By ROY SCRANTON

Jeffery DelViscio

The Stone is a forum for contemporary philosophers and other thinkers on issues both timely and timeless.

Tags:

Global Warming,Greenhouse Gas Emissions,Hurricane Katrina (2005), Iraq, Iraq War (2003-11), New Orleans (La),Philosophy,Weather

I.

Driving into Iraq just after the 2003 invasion felt like driving into the future. We convoyed all day, all night, past Army checkpoints and burned-out tanks, till in the blue dawn Baghdad rose from the desert like a vision of hell: Flames licked the bruised sky from the tops of refinery towers, cyclopean monuments bulged and leaned against the horizon, broken overpasses swooped and fell over ruined suburbs, bombed factories, and narrow ancient streets.

Civilizations have marched blindly toward disaster because humans are wired to believe that tomorrow will be much like today.

With “shock and awe,” our military had unleashed the end of the world on a city of six million — a city about the same size as Houston or Washington. The infrastructure was totaled: water, power, traffic, markets and security fell to anarchy and local rule. The city’s secular middle class was disappearing, squeezed out between gangsters, profiteers, fundamentalists and soldiers. The government was going down, walls were going up, tribal lines were being drawn, and brutal hierarchies savagely established.

I was a private in the United States Army. This strange, precarious world was my new home. If I survived.

Two and a half years later, safe and lazy back in Fort Sill, Okla., I thought I had made it out. Then I watched on television as Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. This time it was the weather that brought shock and awe, but I saw the same chaos and urban collapse I’d seen in Baghdad, the same failure of planning and the same tide of anarchy. The 82^nd Airborne hit the ground, took over strategic points and patrolled streets now under de facto martial law. My unit was put on alert to prepare for riot control operations. The grim future I’d seen in Baghdad was coming home: not terrorism, not even W.M.D.’s, but a civilization in collapse, with a crippled infrastructure, unable to recuperate from shocks to its system.

And today, with recovery still going on more than a year after Sandy and many critics arguing that the Eastern seaboard is no more prepared for a huge weather event than we were last November, it’s clear that future’s not going away.

This March, Admiral Samuel J. Locklear III, the commander of the United States Pacific Command, told security and foreign policy specialists in Cambridge, Mass., that global climate change was the greatest threat the United States faced — more dangerous than terrorism, Chinese hackers and North Korean nuclear missiles. Upheaval from increased temperatures, rising seas and radical destabilization “is probably the most likely thing that is going to happen…” he said, “that will cripple the security environment, probably more likely than the other scenarios we all often talk about.’’

Locklear’s not alone. Tom Donilon, the national security adviser,said much the same thing in April, speaking to an audience at Columbia’s new Center on Global Energy Policy. James Clapper, director of national intelligence, told the Senate in March that “Extreme weather events (floods, droughts, heat waves) will increasingly disrupt food and energy markets, exacerbating state weakness, forcing human migrations, and triggering riots, civil disobedience, and vandalism.”

On the civilian side, the World Bank’s recent report, “Turn Down the Heat: Climate Extremes, Regional Impacts, and the Case for Resilience,” offers a dire prognosis for the effects of global warming, which climatologists now predict will raise global temperatures by 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit within a generation and 7.2 degrees Fahrenheit within 90 years. Projections from researchers at the University of Hawaii find us dealing with “historically unprecedented” climates as soon as 2047. The climate scientist James Hansen, formerly with NASA, has argued that we face an “apocalyptic” future. This grim view is seconded by researchers worldwide, including Anders Levermann, Paul and Anne Ehrlich,Lonnie Thompson and many, many, many others.

This chorus of Jeremiahs predicts a radically transformed global climate forcing widespread upheaval — not possibly, not potentially, but inevitably. We have passed the point of no return. From the point of view of policy experts, climate scientists and national security officials, the question is no longer whether global warming exists or how we might stop it, but how we are going to deal with it.

II.

There’s a word for this new era we live in: the Anthropocene. This term, taken up by geologists, pondered by intellectuals and discussed in the pages of publications such as The Economist and the The New York Times, represents the idea that we have entered a new epoch in Earth’s geological history, one characterized by the arrival of the human species as a geological force. The biologist Eugene F. Stoermer and the Nobel-Prize-winning chemist Paul Crutzen advanced the term in 2000, and it has steadily gained acceptance as evidence has increasingly mounted that the changes wrought by global warming will affect not just the world’s climate and biological diversity, but its very geology — and not just for a few centuries, but for millenniums. The geophysicist David Archer’s 2009 book, “The Long Thaw: How Humans are Changing the Next 100,000 Years of Earth’s Climate,” lays out a clear and concise argument for how huge concentrations of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and melting ice will radically transform the planet, beyond freak storms and warmer summers, beyond any foreseeable future.

The Stratigraphy Commission of the Geological Society of London — the scientists responsible for pinning the “golden spikes” that demarcate geological epochs such as the Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene — have adopted the Anthropocene as a term deserving further consideration, “significant on the scale of Earth history.”Working groups are discussing what level of geological time-scale it might be (an “epoch” like the Holocene, or merely an “age” like the Calabrian), and at what date we might say it began. The beginning of the Great Acceleration, in the middle of the 20th century? The beginning of the Industrial Revolution, around 1800? The advent of agriculture?

Every day I went out on mission in Iraq, I looked down the barrel of the future and saw a dark, empty hole.

The challenge the Anthropocene poses is a challenge not just to national security, to food and energy markets, or to our “way of life” — though these challenges are all real, profound, and inescapable. The greatest challenge the Anthropocene poses may be to our sense of what it means to be human. Within 100 years — within three to five generations — we will face average temperatures 7 degrees Fahrenheit higher than today, rising seas at least three to 10 feet higher, and worldwide shifts in crop belts, growing seasons and population centers. Within a thousand years, unless we stop emitting greenhouse gases wholesale right now, humans will be living in a climate the Earth hasn’t seen since the Pliocene, three million years ago, when oceans were 75 feet higher than they are today. We face the imminent collapse of the agricultural, shipping and energy networks upon which the global economy depends, a large-scale die-off in the biosphere that’s already well on its way, and our own possible extinction. If homo sapiens (or some genetically modified variant) survives the next millenniums, it will be survival in a world unrecognizably different from the one we have inhabited.

Jeffery DelViscio

Geological time scales, civilizational collapse and species extinction give rise to profound problems that humanities scholars and academic philosophers, with their taste for fine-grained analysis, esoteric debates and archival marginalia, might seem remarkably ill suited to address. After all, how will thinking about Kant help us trap carbon dioxide? Can arguments between object-oriented ontology and historical materialism protect honeybees from colony collapse disorder? Are ancient Greek philosophers, medieval theologians, and contemporary metaphysicians going to keep Bangladesh from being inundated by rising oceans?

Of course not. But the biggest problems the Anthropocene poses are precisely those that have always been at the root of humanistic and philosophical questioning: “What does it mean to be human?” and “What does it mean to live?” In the epoch of the Anthropocene, the question of individual mortality — “What does my life mean in the face of death?” — is universalized and framed in scales that boggle the imagination. What does human existence mean against 100,000 years of climate change? What does one life mean in the face of species death or the collapse of global civilization? How do we make meaningful choices in the shadow of our inevitable end?

These questions have no logical or empirical answers. They are philosophical problems par excellence. Many thinkers, including Cicero, Montaigne, Karl Jaspers, and The Stone’s own Simon Critchley, have argued that studying philosophy is learning how to die. If that’s true, then we have entered humanity’s most philosophical age — for this is precisely the problem of the Anthropocene. The rub is that now we have to learn how to die not as individuals, but as a civilization.

III.

Learning how to die isn’t easy. In Iraq, at the beginning, I was terrified by the idea. Baghdad seemed incredibly dangerous, even though statistically I was pretty safe. We got shot at and mortared, and I.E.D.’s laced every highway, but I had good armor, we had a great medic, and we were part of the most powerful military the world had ever seen. The odds were good I would come home. Maybe wounded, but probably alive. Every day I went out on mission, though, I looked down the barrel of the future and saw a dark, empty hole.

“For the soldier death is the future, the future his profession assigns him,” wrote  Simone Weil in her remarkable meditation on war, “The Iliad or the Poem of Force.” “Yet the idea of man’s having death for a future is abhorrent to nature. Once the experience of war makes visible the possibility of death that lies locked up in each moment, our thoughts cannot travel from one day to the next without meeting death’s face.” That was the face I saw in the mirror, and its gaze nearly paralyzed me.

I found my way forward through an 18th-century Samurai manual, Yamamoto Tsunetomo’s “Hagakure,” which commanded: “Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily.” Instead of fearing my end, I owned it. Every morning, after doing maintenance on my Humvee, I’d imagine getting blown up by an I.E.D., shot by a sniper, burned to death, run over by a tank, torn apart by dogs, captured and beheaded, and succumbing to dysentery. Then, before we rolled out through the gate, I’d tell myself that I didn’t need to worry, because I was already dead. The only thing that mattered was that I did my best to make sure everyone else came back alive. “If by setting one’s heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his body were already dead,” wrote Tsunetomo, “he gains freedom in the Way.”

I got through my tour in Iraq one day at a time, meditating each morning on my inevitable end. When I left Iraq and came back stateside, I thought I’d left that future behind. Then I saw it come home in the chaos that was unleashed after Katrina hit New Orleans. And then I saw it again when Sandy battered New York and New Jersey: Government agencies failed to move quickly enough, and volunteer groups like Team Rubicon had to step in to manage disaster relief.

Now, when I look into our future — into the Anthropocene — I see water rising up to wash out lower Manhattan. I see food riots, hurricanes, and climate refugees. I see 82^nd Airborne soldiers shooting looters. I see grid failure, wrecked harbors, Fukushima waste, and plagues. I see Baghdad. I see the Rockaways. I see a strange, precarious world.

Our new home.

The human psyche naturally rebels against the idea of its end. Likewise, civilizations have throughout history marched blindly toward disaster, because humans are wired to believe that tomorrow will be much like today — it is unnatural for us to think that this way of life, this present moment, this order of things is not stable and permanent. Across the world today, our actions testify to our belief that we can go on like this forever, burning oil, poisoning the seas, killing off other species, pumping carbon into the air, ignoring the ominous silence of our coal mine canaries in favor of the unending robotic tweets of our new digital imaginarium. Yet the reality of global climate change is going to keep intruding on our fantasies of perpetual growth, permanent innovation and endless energy, just as the reality of mortality shocks our casual faith in permanence.

The biggest problem climate change poses isn’t how the Department of Defense should plan for resource wars, or how we should put up sea walls to protect Alphabet City, or when we should evacuate Hoboken. It won’t be addressed by buying a Prius, signing a treaty, or turning off the air-conditioning. The biggest problem we face is a philosophical one: understanding that this civilization is already dead. The sooner we confront this problem, and the sooner we realize there’s nothing we can do to save ourselves, the sooner we can get down to the hard work of adapting, with mortal humility, to our new reality.

The choice is a clear one. We can continue acting as if tomorrow will be just like yesterday, growing less and less prepared for each new disaster as it comes, and more and more desperately invested in a life we can’t sustain. Or we can learn to see each day as the death of what came before, freeing ourselves to deal with whatever problems the present offers without attachment or fear.

If we want to learn to live in the Anthropocene, we must first learn how to die.

---

Roy Scranton served in the United States Army from 2002 to 2006. He is a doctoral candidate in English at Princeton University, and co-editor of “Fire and Forget: Short Stories from the Long War.” He has written for The New York Times, Boston Review, Theory & Event and recently completed a novel about the Iraq War. Twitter @RoyScranton.

True Religion.

“Is it a fast like this which I choose, a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it for bowing [b]one’s head like a reed
And for spreading out sackcloth and ashes as a bed?
Will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the Lord?
6 “Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
7 “Is it not to divide your bread [c]with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 “Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9 “Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The [d]pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
10 And if you [e]give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the [f]desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
11 “And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your [g]desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not [h]fail.
12 “Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the [i]streets in which to dwell.

Isaiah 58:5-12

To me this is true religion, this is what God requires of our actions.If we will live this way, we will have lived well. This is faith with boots on, and if you walk in this Way, you will receive the Life.

Dealing with Bipolar Disorder.

A person that lives with Bipolar Disorder or Depression comes to learn loss intimately. It is a constant battle in our mind to try and avoid tearing our lives, loves, and friendships down to the foundation. No one is perfect. We will periodically lose that battle and burn bridges. It is an unavoidable fact of living with a mood disorder or mental illness.

This document is aimed toward the person living with Bipolar Disorder, Depression, and their respective loved ones. I write it with the assumption that the Survivor will inevitably do incredible damage to their relationship; if it hasn’t happened yet, it will at some point. Therefore, we want to minimize the potential damage by developing an understanding of ourselves and how we affect our loved ones.

I will attempt to provide meaningful information for the loved ones and friends that are watching a special person in their life go through this. Watching a child, spouse, relative, or good friend traverse the spectrum of Bipolar Disorder or Depression can be incredibly painful. It is not uncommon to feel completely powerless to help that person in a meaningful way. That is not the case. Even your presence can impact someone soaring through the extremes of the Disorder. I aim to provide you with meaningful tools to help not only the Survivor in your life but allow the supporter to preserve themselves in the process.

If you found this document useful and would like to link to it or print it to hand off to someone, by all means. All I ask is that appropriate reference to www.bipolarmanifesto.com is left intact.

- Dennis

1. Walk In The Other Person’s Shoes

It is not likely that you will ever truly be able to understand what the other person in the relationship equation experiences either with, or coping with, a Mood Disorder. We naturally look at the situation from our own perspective with preconceptions of what we think is correct. I promise you- there will eventually come a point where the Survivor in the relationship will do something so mind-boggling that it laughs in the face of the person you know and love. Counter-balancing against those acts requires an honest perception of oneself and the reality of the situation.

1.A - As A Supporter, I Need To Accept…

1. There will be times that the Survivor will do things that make absolutely no sense. Sometimes the only explanation will be “I don’t know, I was unwell.” Unfortunately, a lot of the time even we don‘t understand why we did something. It just made sense to us at the time.

2. The extremes of Bipolar Disorder and Depression will drastically warp the way the Survivor perceives the world. At times, the Survivor will behave almost like a different person to the point where you may not recognize their mentality. These are the times we do the most damage to our lives. Strive to not take their words or actions at face value during these unwell periods.

3. It is impossible and unreasonable for a person to give their all, 100% of the time. Identify your limits and how you can recharge after the Survivor goes through a rough patch. Do not expect perfection from yourself. Demand downtime for yourself for your own mental well-being.

4. Living with Bipolar Disorder or Depression is a reason, not an excuse. Do not allow yourself to be a doormat to abusive, hostile, or damaging behavior. Unfortunately, many Survivors fail to realize how negative their actions are due to how warped their perception is from what they live with.

5. You can only help someone that wants to help themselves. If they are not passionate about their mental well-being, they won’t be pursuing it with the ferocity they should. That generally equates to skipped appointments, missed dosages, lack of mood monitoring, and so on. A Survivor will not get well with a lazy approach.

6. Sometimes the only way for a person to realize they need help is for them to hit rock bottom. Sweeping up after the actions of an unwell Survivor is best done only if they are trying to get well. An unwell individual needs to see the fall out of their actions so they can understand that the way they are living is not going to work.

1.B - As A Survivor, I Need To Accept…

1. There are some people that cannot and do not want to understand. Unfortunately, these people include loved ones, friends, strangers, therapists, medical, and other mental health professionals. Develop a deep understanding of your illness, what it means to you, and what wellness means to you. Pursue it relentlessly.

2. People will blame you for your actions even if they are out of character. It is entirely unreasonable, and stupid, to think that “I have a Mood Disorder” is just going to wipe the slate on particularly heinous actions. If you do something that has an incredibly negative impact on someone you are close to, chances are good you’re going to hear about it again in the future even after apologies are issued. Don’t be surprised.

3. An apology for your actions is not an apology for living with what you do. Many people feel they should not have to apologize for their actions while unwell. That is ridiculous. A person should apologize because they caused problems or pain for someone they cared about. Personally, I refuse to ever apologize for BEING Bipolar but I will apologize for things I do while I’m in the extremes of the Disorder.

4. The person that attempts to “limit” the exposure of a Mood Disorder to close friends or loved ones is shooting themselves in the foot. On the one hand, yes you are insulating them from that side of you. On the other hand, how are they supposed to learn how to handle it and help you when the time comes? Chances are pretty good you aren’t hiding anything. You’re just making it more difficult on them and you by trying to keep it quiet. I find this to be most relevant with Bipolar parents trying to shield their children. The child may not know what’s going on exactly, but they certainly do pick up when their parent is unwell.

5. There is no reason that you cannot have a family, good friends, and positive social interactions. We require a different approach to life than normal minded individuals. We have to live differently- and there is nothing wrong with that. I reiterate, there is nothing wrong with being different. A Bipolar cannot approach life the same way as a person who is not and expect to maintain the same quality of life.

6. Everyone has a breaking point. Even the most loving, supportive, wonderful person in your life has a breaking point. Avoid smothering the supportive people in your life. If you need the companionship or help then by all means seek it. It is not necessary or wise to weave that person into all the minor struggles you deal with on a daily basis, even if they ask you to. Be certain to give those people space when they need it and provide support to them when you’re able to.

2. The Importance Of Motive Behind Unwell Actions

The actions of an unwell Survivor are not as important as the motivation behind them. An action we take is undoubtedly derived from how we are perceiving the world at that moment. The Survivor may entirely believe that the course of action they are taking is the best one at the time. Further down the road when they rebalance, they will be looking back on their actions in dumbfounded shock, wondering how they could have possibly thought their action was a good idea. The Supporter needs to have a clear idea of what they are able to forgive and what they cannot.

Example:
In the couple years before I was diagnosed, I was engaged. At the time, I did not understand exactly how Bipolar Disorder would twist my perception. Moving to be with her proved a strong enough trigger to send me rocketing around the spectrum. I began regularly gaining and losing jobs. When I lost a job, I was never able to convey what was going on in my mind that caused it to happen. I, instead, opted to lie to her about how I kept losing jobs knowing full well how much she valued an honest relationship. I lied because I knew she struggled with deep Depression herself. My brain convinced me it was the best approach because she wouldn’t be angry at me, I could still help her, and the “very next job I get, things will be different”.

My example could be viewed a couple of different ways. Yes, I did lie to her about a fairly serious matter. However, I was doing it because my unwell mind convinced me it was the best course of action for the bigger picture. I wasn’t doing it out of maliciousness or to cause any harm to her. To me, that is far more forgivable than if I had been lying to her about going to work and having an affair. My motive was not malicious.

If I was in her position, I would like to think that I would probably still be angry but able to forgive it due to the circumstances.

Very few things are simple when it comes to living with Bipolar Disorder and Depression. Trying to make them simple will doom that relationship in the long run.

3. A Reason, Not An Excuse

Using Bipolar Disorder or Depression as an excuse for terrible behavior to others completely erodes any sympathy or support you may have been able to secure. Greater problems arise when it comes down to close friends, family, or loved ones. Those close to the unwell individual may not know specifically what is wrong, but they can tell something is amiss. No matter how hard it is to deal with what you deal with on a regular basis, there is great difficulty for the people that care about you to powerlessly watch you go through it. It’s painful, hurtful, and sometimes frightening. Who likes to watch someone they care for suffer?

The simplest way to demonstrate you are taking responsibility for your actions while unwell is to own up to them and attempt to correct them. Sometimes, you will not be able to or the person involved is not able to handle the stress that comes with it. It’s unfortunate, but it does happen.

I do not feel that an apology says enough in many cases. In the event that I cause damage or loss to a person, if I cannot reimburse them financially I have offered to do work for them to even it off or at least tried to give them something of mine that was roughly as valuable. Actions speak louder than words. They show you actually care and are willing to sacrifice to mend the breach.

Never, under any circumstance, promise that you will never do a particular action again. You have absolutely no way of seeing how your perception will be warped in the future. The only thing you will accomplish with that claim is effectively setting yourself up to be a liar the next time you swing unwell- and you will eventually.

As a Supporter of the unwell, you will have to exercise your own judgment in determining if the Survivor is remorseful for their actions or not. Take the time to predetermine what is utterly unacceptable behavior and stick to it. That will help demonstrate to the unwell that there are serious repercussions to their actions. It may be enough to cause them to have a “Hey, wait a minute…” moment as they are escalating.

4. How Do I Help An Unwell Loved One?

Every Supporter will eventually run into a time when they need to help a Survivor having a crisis. The following section will deal with some of the most common in the form of suicidal thinking, escalations mania/hypomania, and depression.

4.A - Suicidal Thinking

Wrapping one’s mind around suicidal thinking is extremely difficult when you have not experienced it yourself. Suicide attempts or thinking typically build over time. The Survivor often feels they have reached the apex of what they feel they can handle. They look back and see only the pain, misery, and depression. They look forward and have lost sight of whatever hope they might have had for better days ahead. All they can assume is that the future will be the same as the past. In a weak moment, that will often kick the Survivor into a suicide attempt. Think of it as a switch being flipped from Off to On.

That person’s mind is stuck in the misery of the moment and will be so long as that train of thought (or switch being set to On) is allowed to roam unchecked. The most effective way to assist that person is to get their focus shifted in a different direction. Get them through that moment to a point where they will not be in such a vulnerable mentality. You can accomplish this in a number of ways. There are many cases when a person, for example, slits their wrist and then realizes that they do not want to die. Their action caused the metaphorical switch to reset to Off once they realized what they did.

Optimally, we want to see that metaphorical switch reset before the person engages in a destructive behavior. All the negative thoughts and feelings of whatever brought them to that point continues to fuel that impulse, thus we want to disrupt the fuel so the switch is not able to stay On. Some tactics for doing that:

- Ask the person about a very positive story of theirs or something they are proud of.
- Put their favorite show, movie, or music on. (Avoid sad or emotional media.)
or, my personal favorite;
- Tell a very embarrassing story about yourself.

In all cases, you are forcing their mind onto an entirely separate track. The person is either reliving something positive or wondering what the hell is wrong with you. Either way, they aren’t dwelling on suicidal thoughts, giving that switch an opportunity to reset.

My preference is to tell the person about when I got thrown through a front door by a 10 year old little girl who had 5 years of Karate under her belt. She didn’t know me and thought I was breaking in to her house. So she defended herself. I got destroyed by a 10 year old when I was 18. Usually it leaves a grin or an incredulous look on their face. Either way, suicidal thought process derailed!

The primary mistake Supporters make is looking at too wide of a picture. Focus on getting the Survivor through five minute increments until they reach a point when their resolve to commit suicide wanes. Just a minor interruption in the suicidal thought process can be enough to derail it completely. Seek professional help as soon as feasible if need be.

4.B - Depression

A person does not need to look far to find advice on how to handle a depressive person in their life. Most of what I read appears to be developed by either people that don’t experience depression or is from a clinical approach. Neither method is efficient for a Supporter. Clinical approaches should really only be used by people with a further understanding of that discipline to understand how it all ties together.

On the other hand, there are several well-meaning people that think because they have watched a loved one cope with mental illness that they understand it. It is not that simple. They understand what they witnessed and went through from their perspective. That is very useful knowledge but is not interchangeable with actually living with Depression or Bipolar Disorder. I applaud these people for at least trying.

Helping a person through a Depressive streak is about pushing them through this flurry of negative feelings. I feel the most effective way is to get them focused on the fact that they do not have to be depressed for the rest of their lives. Suicide attempts and self-destructive actions are primarily caused by a lack of hope for any change for the better.

DO NOT:
- tell the person to think of their kids/family/friends/career/whatever. They already are and have been for a very long time. Suicide attempts typically occur when the misery finally outweighs the few good things that person perceives in their life. It does not accomplish anything useful in the mind of a severely depressed person.

DO:
- tell them there are paths to get better. Lifestyle changes, medication, even a different diet can have an effect on mentality. Even if one, or ten things, have failed; there are hundreds of other things to try. Instill in the Survivor that there is a strong reason to hope for a different tomorrow. The idea is to keep the Survivor from losing hope. Complete loss of hope for anything better in a dark moment will kick start self-destruction.

4.C - Escalation (Mania/Hypomania)

There is a large camp of Bipolar people that feel the escalated side of the Disorder is not necessarily bad. It is true that a person can ride the wave if managed well. This is also the reason that there is so much misdiagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. When you spend all your time morbidly depressed, ANYTHING is better in comparison. Many Bipolar people mistake the escalation as their normal state of mind. That’s just not the case.

Escalated thinking is very damaging because the person is making decisions based off their perception rather than what reality is. So what does that mean?

Have you ever been with a friend and noticed a beautiful dark car? One of you may point at it and say “That’s a pretty sharp black car.” while the other replies “No, that’s navy blue!” Both parties are seeing the same car. Due to lighting, angle, quality of eyesight, and any number of other things; both people are perceiving the same car in a different way. The absolute quality is that there is indeed a car there.

Enter a Bipolar thought process. I could look at the car and my brain tells me that ‘hey that’s a tank!’ So my response may instead to be to scream “tank!” and dive for cover.

Now if you witnessed that, you could say “Hey wait. That’s not a tank. That’s just a car.” Knowing that I’m Bipolar and I’m able to trust your word, I can use that as an anchor to reality. I can say, “Alright, this person I trust is telling me that there is no tank, it’s just a car.” and I can force myself to reassess the situation. What a Bipolar person’s mind is telling them seems very real to them no matter how ridiculous it might seem otherwise.

The result ranges from minor difficulties to the horrific. Strive to keep the difficulties minor by interrupting them and not letting the Bipolar person’s mind run away with their thought processes. The further along the person gets in an unwell thought process, the more difficult it is to derail it.

5. Interacting With An Unwell Loved One

Interacting with a mentally unwell individual can be a very stressful, trying experience. It is very easy to feel completely lost in how to reach the Survivor in some of their worst moments. A Supporter will need to exhibit a great deal of willpower and restraint when trying to meaningfully interact with a Survivor. Develop a deep understanding of what is and is not acceptable to you. There will be some things that are completely out of your realm of ability to handle; and that is alright. In the event that you feel meaningfully threatened or that a situation is moving past what you can handle, by all means involve authorities.

5.A - Interacting With The Self-Destructive/Suicidal

- Avoid apologizing. The Survivor is likely trying to not feel like a burden. Though “I’m sorry” is a show of sympathy, it will feel more like pity in the amplified state of the unwell mind.
- Words are not always needed. Sometimes the Supporter can have the greatest effect by simply being there for the person. Though we may pose questions, in many cases we know there are no answers. Don’t feel obligated to try and provide answers.
- Avoid “think of your family/work/school/whatever“. In the deepest pits of depression, these things are being enveloped in a black hole. Instead, try and focus their attention on making future progress. Assure them that there are many people fighting the same battles they are, and they are not alone.
- Do not let them dwell on hopeless feelings. Remind the Survivor they can get well and there are more avenues to explore regardless of what they have already tried. Mental health is an inexact science. The person will find something that works but they have to keep looking.
- If you feel the person is a tangible threat to themselves or others, notify authorities.

5.B - Interacting With The Escalated

- Know your limits and boundaries. The person has to know there will be repercussions to their actions. Being called names or getting screamed at does not bother me. However, I make it very clear that I will defend myself if I feel physically threatened; and I won’t be the slightest bit apologetic if I have to.
- Avoid pointed statements in general. Even in normal people, accusatory statements cause defensive walls to come up and significantly hinder communication. Do identify there are times when you will have to make a pointed statement to get your point across in a potentially threatening situation.

Example 1: (Avoiding pointed statements)
Survivor: “My neighbor across the street is spying on me, I know it.”

DO:
“Why would your neighbor be spying on you? They have their own life, family, and job to worry about. Is there a reason that you believe this or could you be getting unwell?”

DON’T:
“No. They aren’t.”

Example 2: (Using a pointed statement)
The Survivor is unwell but may not necessarily realize it. They have taken to wandering around the house with a knife.

DO:
“You cannot keep wandering around the house with a weapon. It is frightening and I will contact authorities for help because it is clear you are unwell and in a dark place at the moment.”

In both examples, you are forcing the Survivor to reassess their mental situation with new, external information. It can be enough to make them realize that something is amiss.

- Understand that an escalated mind can move in ways you cannot predict. No matter how ridiculous the person is acting or their statements, do not take them lightly. They are confusing reality in their mind which can prompt them to take any number of unreasonable or out of character actions.
- Try to introduce reality to the unwell person’s thought processes as much as you can. This provides numerous opportunities for that person to realize what they are experiencing is twisted at the moment.

6. Minimizing Damage

The time has finally arrived where the Survivor has not only burned all their bridges, but urinated on the ashes while screaming profanities across the chasm. Every single Survivor has at least one story where they did exactly that. Let’s delve into some effective ways to minimize and repair what damage we can.

6.1 - Lay groundwork while well.

When is the right time to let the people that need to know that you are Bipolar? I am personally mixed on the idea of how public a person should live with their Disorder. I choose to live openly about it because I’m well past the point of actually caring what other people have to think about it. I have no problem discussing the Disorder and the various things I’ve done while unwell. However, that is what is good for me. There are always people that do not want to understand.

I have found that there is a very, very large section of people that are either going through similar circumstances or are watching a loved one go through it. I’ve also heard plenty “my relative was Bipolar and killed themselves” stories as well. Mental illness is not rare. Society just does not address it at large. Thus, they do not always understand how to handle it when it does come into the forefront.

*Take the time to address the people that matter. Take the time to come up with your own but here are some examples:

In college? Get a letter of verification from your Doctor to have the Student Human Resources department put in your file. Discuss with a Student HR person that you are Bipolar and you want it to be on record for the future. That way if you swing unwell and have to miss a couple weeks of classes; you won't just be failed or kicked out. You do not have to inform every single one of your instructors or anyone else if you do not want to.

In a career? Get a letter of verification from your Doctor and have it filed with Human Resources. Talk to a Human Resources representative and your immediate manager to inform them you are Bipolar. A good rule of thumb is to just let your manager know that if you are acting extremely different than normal, you could very well be unbalanced. It's simple and easy to remember.

In a family? I believe that teenage children are old enough to understand and help to a limited degree. I am not suggesting to completely lean on them. They should know some of your easily identifiable indicators so they can suggest to you to evaluate your mentality. I have met many people that choose to try and hide what is going on in their mind from their children. Those people are deluding themselves. Your family will spend more time around you than anyone else. They may not understand what is going on, but they will know even if you do not tell them. They will grow to identify that pressured speech and that look in your eyes means it's time to steer clear for awhile.

In a marriage? Spouses are a tough one. If you are in a loving marriage then there shouldn't be a whole lot of difficulty in explaining what support you need, when, and why to your spouse. The problem is for the people trapped in loveless marriages or with someone who refuses to accept the reality of mental illness. Pick your battles. If they do not want to understand or help you, they will not. Evaluate the interaction between the two of you regarding Bipolar Disorder. Don't waste frustration and tears on a battle you cannot win.

The point of laying your groundwork while you are well is to demonstrate a proactive approach. You do not want to swing unwell then have to go back and try to justify your actions through the Disorder. It will result in a number of fights and skeptical thinking from the people you may have wronged during that unwell period. That may cause you to get unbalanced again and thrust you back into an unwell cycle. Minimize the damage ahead of time so you can have some calmer waters to get rebalanced in.

7. Should I Notify Authorities?

Contacting authorities or medical personnel for assistance can be a very mixed bag. There are pros and cons to the situation which I highly advise contemplating BEFORE you ever have to make the choice. Conventional wisdom dictates that a person should notify authorities or medical professionals in the event of an emergency. The problem with that statement is the word “emergency”. The minor ebb and flow of mood shifting with erratic thoughts is pretty normal for many Bipolar and Depressive people. In many cases, it really doesn’t indicate anything greater at work. Thus, we need to work to identify what actually constitutes an “emergency” with the Survivor in our life.

A person that arbitrarily contacts medical authorities to handle their loved one whenever they are slightest bit difficult is going to alienate that person. They will grow to resent you and probably act accordingly. The reasons are many. First, who really wants to spend a weekend in a psych ward for something they normally deal with? Second, assistance is not free; burying that person in debt is going to make it harder for them to make meaningful steps towards wellness. Third, emergency services are not designed to handle general fluctuations in a person and will not provide long-term benefit in a majority of cases.

There is a right time to contact authorities for assistance. It’s as simple as this:

Contact authorities if you feel that you, the people around you, or the unwell person is threatened with serious harm by their actions.

That is the most common unifying factor in a true psychiatric emergency. Being called a “mother fucking cock sucking liar” by someone that is normally loving and tender is hurtful but not cause for immediate alarm. A paranoid Survivor that is loving, tender, and sleeping with a gun under their pillow is definitely a reason to notify authorities before that person does something they will forever regret. You must learn what constitutes threatening behavior from the Bipolar individual.

In the event that you have to, stand by your decision and do not apologize for making it after the fact. When confronted, inform the person that you felt they were a real threat so had to act accordingly.

Having Sex Like a Quaker

First Day Press / 1 week ago

by Kody Gabriel Hersh

I think it’s fair to say that my religious upbringing, in the extremely liberal wing of an already kind of wacky denomination, was unusual. In Sunday school, we learned the stories of famous Quakers, almost all of whom seemed to have served jail time. I was educated in values like equality, simplicity, integrity, and peace: words that were recited, repeated, studied, and taught like the creed we adamantly professed not to have. My family frequently ran into other members of our church community at anti-war protests and silent vigils, and one time when an international trade summit brought thousands of protesters to our city, we hosted 75 out-of-town demonstrators in tents in our backyard. I dreamed that in adulthood I would change the world, take courageous stands of conscience, and earn a respectably hefty FBI file.

I learned a lot of beautiful and useful things about justice and commitment and community during those years. But other topics were notably absent from the discourse of my childhood faith community. I didn’t develop an understanding of Quaker theology, particularly our roots in Christianity, until much later, when I sought it out myself. I didn’t necessarily know much, if anything, about what the adults in my community believed about God, or how they experienced their spirituality. On the matters of personal belief and morality that many other church communities seemed to emphasize—like prayer, or holding a particular set of beliefs about Jesus, or what kinds of sex were acceptable under which circumstances—mine was generally silent.

I came out as queer in high school, and had my first, wonderfully loving and blessedly uncomplicated, sexual relationship in my mid-teens. I experienced joy, tenderness, and total validation in sexual intimacy. I wondered why it was supposed to be so horrible to have sex before marriage, and especially as a teenager. At about the same time, I began to identify ministry—in the broadest sense, commitment to a life of taking God’s leadings seriously—as my life’s work, and I wanted my personal practices in all things, including my sexual life, to reflect that new commitment.

And so I started to wonder what, if anything, my faith community had to say about sex. Not about sexual orientation—that debate was settled in my monthly and yearly meeting in the early years of my childhood, and I had no reason to doubt the validity of our affirming stance. No, I wanted to know where we stood on sex: on whether it’s okay to have sex just for fun or pleasure; on how to avoid harm and exploitation in sexual interactions; on sexual decision-making; on monogamy. I had been taught, and come to believe in my own experience, that taking Quakerism seriously and listening for the leadings of God could potentially change my approach to everything: what kind of media I consumed, what I ate, what kind of student I was. Now I wanted to know how to have sex like a Quaker—not because I expected there to be one correct, seal-of-approval way, but because I suspected there was some potential connection, and I wanted to uncover it.

It won’t come as a surprise to anyone familiar with liberal Quakerism that few people in my religious community had definitive answers for me when asked about the connection between sexuality and spiritual life. But I heard some interesting stories. And as interesting stories so often do, they made me want to hear even more stories. I started leading workshops on Quakerism and Sexual Ethics, not because I had anything figured out, but because I had become convinced of the importance of the questions.

When I’m teaching a workshop like this, I usually start by asking the participants to brainstorm every Quaker value they can think of, or anything they’ve heard anyone else identify as a Quaker value, commitment, or belief. There are always a few surprises, but mostly, I’ve been struck by the similarities between what various groups identify. Equality. Nonviolence and peacebuilding. Care for the earth. Community. Integrity. The direct availability of God to all people. The presence of something “of God” in every human soul. Listening. Waiting for guidance in our decision-making, and checking out important decisions with our community. Continuing revelation.

I can’t think of a single one of those things that doesn’t have powerful implications for my sexual decision-making. I need to examine power and privilege in my relationships, and relearn some instinctive behaviors if I am committed to seeking true equality in my relationships. I need to commit to practicing and teaching meaningful consent if I want to be a voice for peace in a culture of epidemic sexual violence. I need my reproductive decision-making to include an awareness of the role of overpopulation in our current global environmental crisis if I wish to care for the earth, because the decision to reproduce is more significant to my ecological footprint than all the other decisions I will make in my life combined. I need to practice a rare and challenging level of honesty with my partners. I need to trust that God’s guidance is available in all my decisions, and make time and space to listen for it.

These days, I keep a working list of my sexual commitments and values. It is written in explicitly religious language. It is profoundly shaped by my experience of Quakerism. It speaks powerfully to me now, but I’d be surprised if it doesn’t change over the course of my life, because as a Quaker I understand my relationship with Truth to be unfolding, not a fixed point.

*My sex and relationships will be consensual. I will honor “no”s, and I will not proceed without “yes”s. I will not try to manipulate anyone into sex or relationships that they don’t want.


*I will actively and intentionally seek good for myself and others and avoid harm.


*In all intimate and/or sexual relationships, I will approach others as beloved children of God.


*I will remember that I am a beloved child of God, will hold my body and heart sacred, and will not tolerate situations of harm or abuse.


*I will not judge the sexual behavior of others unless it is non-consensual, dishonest, unjust, or otherwise causes suffering.


*I will be open to unfolding wisdom about sexuality, generally and personally. I will support that unfolding by actively and continuously educating myself on sexual issues.


*I will weigh reproductive decisions carefully, discerning them in relation to both my own life and leadings, and the faithful stewardship of an overpopulated planet.



*I will pay attention to my intuition, my mind, my heart, and my body when making decisions about sex and relationships. I will not make important decisions when my ability to hear and pay attention is clouded (by substance, mood, physical surroundings, etc).

*I will be honest about who I am, with myself and with others, and seek to dwell in that integrity in each moment.

My hopes, aspirations, commitments, and values related to sexuality have already undergone significant changes. I used to long for a specific set of rules to guide my sexual behavior. Now, my goal is to internalize the principles that are most important to me, so I can apply them to new situations as they arise. I don’t expect that my statements of commitment in sexual behavior will, or should, work for everyone. But they do, in the tradition of Quaker “advices” (writings on moral conduct) express a standard that is both immediate and aspirational, that I hope both to live, and to continuously grow toward.

As a queer, trans, sex-positive, Christian, Quaker youth worker, Kody Gabriel Hersh spends his life trying to embody apparent contradictions with integrity and playfulness. He lives in Philadelphia, where he writes, does childcare, staffs youth retreats, teaches Sunday school, and generally practices making radicalism look very sweet and innocent to people who don’t know him very well. He blogs bi-monthly for The First Day. You can also see his article, “Queer Lessons for Spiritual Life,” in the inaugural print edition of The First Day (November 2013).

Read all of Kody’s posts at http://firstdaypress.org/tag/kody-gabriel-hersh/.