Wednesday, January 3, 2018

On my Mind.

So, I was searching for a glimpse of the almost boyfriend yesterday, and I came upon a dating site which featured a person I knew from high school. He listed himself as bi, and into casual sex, and my first reaction was deep lust. I crave giving someone pleasure, and I crave being in a relationship. I crave sex in a way that I wouldn't normally crave it. It's weird. All stemming from the fact that the person I'd like to be in a relationship with is nowhere to be found. 

My New Years resolution for this year is to become the kind of guy that would seem like a catch if you met them. So that means improving myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I need to take this year to work on myself, build up my body mind and soul and transform it. I need to lose 60 pounds, start regularly paying tithe, transform my diet, create a consistent spiritual discipline in the manner of Friends, And start paying my alma mater back. It's a tall order, but I believe in a living God who has power and will help me to accomplish all of these goals. So I lift up all these goals to him.

My main motivation is preparing my heart soul and mind for a life of service to God, but I'm also motivated by living in anticipation of finally meeting Will at the right time in his life and being able to offer him a  relationship with a godly loving person who is healthy. I don't know why I care so much about doing this for him, but I do. I really do. I guess because I think about the first time I told him I was gay and how scared we were, and you know what? I think we deserve to be as happy as possible.We deserve it.

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