When the glory comes, we'll tear your kingdom down.

I've been thinking a lot about DACA this week. And as I reflected on the horror of what it is Republicans are trying to do, the rank immorality and evil of their immigration policy, and the lives of people i know who would be directly affected, I couldn't help but to despair of this country. But as I worked the Lord gave me some songs to bolster my courage. The first was "Glory" by John Legend, the second, "Satan We're Going To Tear Your Kingdom Down" by Rev. Shirley Caesar. Both of these songs are songs of hope and defiance, letting the Republican doers of evil know that though our hearts may be broken our souls never will. And that God himself will come down from the heavens to fight for the rights if the foreigner, the widow, and the orphans if need be.
      And we'll cry "Glory"........

Short thought.

Was just reading Hebrews 8 this morning. Something that caught my eye is how much Hebrews 8, especially the last few verses,  seems to have affected Quaker thought and rhetoric. I also noted that these particular passages are a quotation from Jeremiah 30 in which god describes his New Covenant. In it, God's laws are put in peoples minds and written on peoples hearts, nobody tells each other about the Lord because "they will all know me from the least of them to the greatest". This all leads me to think that the primary sources of Early Quaker thought were the General Epistles, the Gospels, and the book of Acts. I see little reliance on the Pauline Epistles in Quaker theology and thought. Which is probably what makes it so heterodox.

On my Mind.

So, I was searching for a glimpse of the almost boyfriend yesterday, and I came upon a dating site which featured a person I knew from high school. He listed himself as bi, and into casual sex, and my first reaction was deep lust. I crave giving someone pleasure, and I crave being in a relationship. I crave sex in a way that I wouldn't normally crave it. It's weird. All stemming from the fact that the person I'd like to be in a relationship with is nowhere to be found. 

My New Years resolution for this year is to become the kind of guy that would seem like a catch if you met them. So that means improving myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I need to take this year to work on myself, build up my body mind and soul and transform it. I need to lose 60 pounds, start regularly paying tithe, transform my diet, create a consistent spiritual discipline in the manner of Friends, And start paying my alma mater back. It's a tall order, but I believe in a living God who has power and will help me to accomplish all of these goals. So I lift up all these goals to him.

My main motivation is preparing my heart soul and mind for a life of service to God, but I'm also motivated by living in anticipation of finally meeting Will at the right time in his life and being able to offer him a  relationship with a godly loving person who is healthy. I don't know why I care so much about doing this for him, but I do. I really do. I guess because I think about the first time I told him I was gay and how scared we were, and you know what? I think we deserve to be as happy as possible.We deserve it.

I just thought of the fact that Early Quakers were radical because they decided to live like they believed the disciples of Jesus lived. Would I be willing to live such a radical way of life? The answer is probably not, I'm not sure I'm up for that type of radical life. But I'm willing to serve. And perhaps that's the best I can do as a friend and follower of Jesus right now. Just be willing to serve. And maybe over time, I can be transformed in heart and mind to such an extent as to become more and more like the Valiant Sixty, or John Woolman or Bayard Rustin. But for now, Lord, make me a servant.

Spiritual Discipline is hard.

Quaker Spirituality can be tough, because, in modern times, it relies on your own personal spiritual discipline and less on communal liturgical practice to ground you. To be faithful to the Quaker path, I have to embrace a disciplined life. I have not, however, been a very disciplined person in my life. So accepting such a rigorous form of Christianity is difficult for me. But I'm trying to embrace it because I have a number of goals that I'd like to accomplish. Namely, I'd like to live a fulfilled and happy life, and I can't reach that goal if I'm not a disciplined person.

My future happiness and worthiness to serve consist of so many steps. And their are many obstacles, internal and external, in my life that makes it more difficult. The smallness of the fellowship of which I'm a part, the dimmed nature of the light of Christ in my heart and the hearts of my fellow Quakers, the constant barrage of the theological notions of  my family and friends, my inner desire not to offend them or anyone else by more thoroughly and robustly practicing and defending my faith, to despairing at times over what God actually wants of me and other LGBT Christians in this world.

It's hard to be spiritually disciplined when facing so many obstacles to faith.

Sex as sacrificial giving.

Is their such a thing as sexual immorality? I think the record of Scripture is pretty clear that the answer to that question is yes, but what constitutes sexual immorality changes over time in Scripture and outside of it. So it is important to come up with a sexual ethic and hold ourselves to it so as to avoid sexual immorality. So what would it look like for a Christian to live his/her life in a sexually moral way? One way I think we can think of sex in a sexually moral way is to think about sex as a gift that we give to someone we love, instead of a commodity or product that we consume. Our Christian discipline as sexual beings is to give our bodies up as gifts to people to whom we've committed ourselves in some fundamental way. I think a Christian judges sex not by prowess or initial capability or compatibility, but by a willingness to learn about  the other person in bed and being willing to do our best to give of our bodies in a way that pleases our partner. To be living sacrifices ,one to another, as we spiritually are to God.

Exercise.

I need to exercise a lot right now. I'm overweight and I'm worried about the implications for my life. So I'm committing myself to a no fast food, no meat diet starting immediately. I'm going to cook a pot of rice and a pot of lentils and add spinach to both. Only small amounts of salt of course. I love sweet things so that's going to be hard to give up. But I need to take drastic action on behalf of my health.

I need to lose 60 pounds. I plan to lose 10 pounds a month for 6 months starting today, December 14, 2017. I want to do this for lots of reasons. My health first. I'm predisposed to high blood pressure and diabetes, and I have anxiety and stress a lot. I don't want to die young or suffer severely when I get older. So it's critical as I'm almost 30, to start eating well. Secondly, I'm in an impossible love situation. If I want the guys, I've got to look good. Losing weight and being healthy are essential to not only feeling good about myself but looking attractive to others, And at this point in my life, that's important.
3rd, I'm trying to be a faithful Christian, and to do that we have to be a faithful steward of the body God has gifted to us. That means eating healthfully and well, not forcing junk food into my body, getting a good nights rest, and drinking water.

It's an ambitious project, a lot to take on; but I want this bad, and I'm determined to see it through.